Two things are about to happen in the next month or so:

  1. I’m going to be an aunt. My very best friend is almost 8 months pregnant with a baby girl.
  2. I’m going to Nicaragua to visit my brother-in-law with my hubby and some friends.

Here’s why these two things are related:

  • On one hand, I want to be such an amazing, positive influence in this soon-to-be kid’s life. I want to help grow her into a strong, confident woman. (I’ll have to rethink my strategy somewhat if she comes out a boy…)
  • On the other, this looming beach vacation has left me suddenly concerned about my “problem” areas. I’ve been worrying recently about not being “bikini” ready. 

Those two things just don’t jive and yet they are completely related.

The kicker is this: if we want to change the world, we must start with ourselves. If I want to be a role model for her, I have to lead by example. I have to practice what I preach.

And I preach this:

  • We are all beYOUtiful and unique.
  • We are objectified enough by the media, society, etc – let’s not do it to ourselves, and let’s not do it to each other.
  • Let’s celebrate our own beauty.
  • And admit to girl crushes (my most recent gc’s include: Gabby Bernstein, Marie Forleo, and Kris Carr).
  • … oh yes, and let’s define beauty holistically – like inside and out. 

So next time you’re heading towards negative self-talk or gossiping for that matter, picture a 10-year-old hanging on your every word/ thought. What would you want her to learn?

Much, much love.

sunday musings…

I started this beautiful Sunday morning like this:
Almond mylk latte + magazines + deck = perfection.
I stumbled upon a fantastic article by Maggie Gyllenhaal in O Magazine in which the beautiful actress describes her struggles with seeking approval and how she started trusting her own instincts.  
Her aha moment was realizing that trying to be everything to everyone – a great mother, wife, actress – was a sad and futile waste of time. Ultimately, she came to realize (and she admits that it’s on ongoing struggle) that, 

“It’s all right if others don’t approve, because I believe in what I’m doing[…] This is my work. I’m doing the best I can. I know not everyone will love it and that is fine.”

So for today, try to be your best self just for yourself, regardless of what others think.
Happy tumbling & stumbling!

doing the work: coming clean…

“Until you learn to heal the wounds of your past, 
you will continue to bleed into the future.”
~ Iyanla Vanzant

Oh boy! What a busy week it’s been. Busy, but amazing. 

During my dinner date with one of my very best friends, I realized that despite knowing her for almost 10 years, she didn’t, until Friday, know a big part about me.  

Then I realized that perhaps few people do… and really, that’s just silly. It’s time to share.

Here goes…

Last year, I wrote about the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

There are a lot of chapters to each of our stories. An eating disorder is one of mine.

Like for many, junior high was essentially torture for me. I had gained a few pounds before I started grade seven, as many preteen girls do; that chubbiness, combined with my enrollment in the full time “gifted” program (an odd social experiment), essentially made me the perfect target for prepubescent torture (oh yes, I also went to band camp).

I dealt with it as I knew best – I threw myself into sports and, at the tender age of 12, I started my first diet. 

By the end of my first year of junior high, I had dwindled to a tiny size and the interventions began. I had anorexia.

Interestingly, I have blocked out most of the memories around this topic. All I know is that while I managed to heal the anorexia, my distorted and unhealthy body image has plagued me until today. In my twenties, I developed a new coping mechanism: at times pushing myself too far with exercise and always dissecting every morsel that went into my mouth. I became a pro at setting myself up for failure and beating myself up for it. Not surprisingly, I made myself physically sick.

I’m sharing this (long) story for two reasons:

  • While doing my homework, I have realized that the very first step to moving forward is to evaluate where you’re starting.It’s essential to come clean.  
  • The very act of coming clean can help others tremendously, even if it’s just to know that they are not alone. That’s the main point of this blog, after all: to share my journey so that it may, in whatever small way, help someone else.

Phew! What a long post! As always, thanks for reading… and happy Sunday!

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

P.S. I’ve moved Sabbath Sunday to Sabbath Friday/ Saturday for the next little while. I’ll explain later. 🙂