:: rest ::

It’s just after 6am on Saturday, “stay-home-day”. My boys are still asleep – “a tiny one, a big one, and a man-boy” (three-year-olds are the best!). I am the “gwirl”, loving these quiet mornings to myself.

This week in a nutshell:  Hubby got sick. I felt weird. Hubby went on a business trip (or, as I’d like to call it, a vacation). Thank god for grandparents. Hubby came home, still super sick. I got sick. Three-year-old threw tantrums. Little one did what babies do. Now it’s the long weekend… 😳 🙃

I almost threw the towel in on this whole project about 80 times. BUT I didn’t (yay me!). Instead, I decided to focus on what I could: the listen” and “be” pillars, specifically rest and acceptance. This too shall pass… blah, blah, blah.

Yesterday I unscheduled and spent the day catching up on Hockey Wives and Super Soul Sundays with the babe. It was kind of lovely, snotty nose and all.

Bit by bit, inch by inch.

mxo

 

 

2015, a love letter

Dear 2015,

Phew. What a ride! This is meant to be a love letter, so I’ll be nice.

Thank you for teaching me that I am strong, that I can get knocked down and rise wiser and kinder. I bow to the lessons. Thank you for giving me the strength to keep going and for showing me that I am not alone.

And thank you for reminding me of how truly blessed I am! This life – wow.

Thank you for helping me to see that I am a good mom and that I have a great kid. He is my guru, my sage, and the littlest love of my life. Thank you for giving me the strength to wake up at all hours of the night, for being patient during his tantrums (sometimes), and for the magic he’s showing me in the world. Thank you for answering all of my prayers with that kid!

Thank you for the original love of my life – the kid’s dad and my partner in crime. I’m still not sure how I got to be so darn lucky… thank you!

Thank you for this home! When I was a little girl, I dreamt of a home like this – beautiful and serene, somewhere to live forever and always, a fireplace with stockings, and lots of rooms to fill with memories. Now I live here and I am in awe.

Thank you for the adventures and travels, for friends near and far, for chocolate and wine and lattes, for morning snuggles in bed and five seasons of Scandal.

Thank you for showing me that there is still so much to come. Thank you.

2016, hi.

With love,
mxo

soakuplove

:: inspired by a Note of Gratitude by my dearest, Nikki Belcher and Love Letter by the ever-awesome, Elena Brower.

 

mommy days…

I often get asked what I do all day now that I’m a mommy on mat leave. Here goes:

Ry and I had an awesome day planned – first, a play date and then some shopping for mommy. Neither happened.

After Ryan conveniently slept through his play date, we packed up and decided to hit the road for another adventure.

We ended up at Capital Espresso, owned and barista-ed by an old friend of mine. One delicious cappuccino and blueberry muffin later, we wandered around Queen for a bit, got my rings cleaned, and picked up these cute puppies at Made You Look:

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That brings us to 11:00ish. We hit the road for Sherway. The kid has recently taken to HATING the car so we didn’t quite make it.

About half way, I decided my shopping adventure just wasn’t worth the amount of bloody-murder screaming we’d both have to endure. So we made a turn and, for the first time in YEARS, got “lost” in Toronto (as lost as you can get with a nav system in your car and a smartphone handy).

So we drove back home. Ryan had organic apples, spinach, kiwi, and broccoli with quinoa for lunch. It came out of a green pouch. I ate out of random tupperware containers with a fork.

1:00pm. The nap attempt begins.

1:45pm. The nap begins.

2:15pm. The nap ends.

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Kid was awfully cranky at this point (tooth numero dos is coming in) but daddy, who was thankfully working from home, took him for a few minutes. I went to Timmy’s to get daddy a coffee.

With still so many hours left in the day, we packed up yet again and headed for a looooooooong walk. Over 8km later, the kid took his third nap. I waited in the stroller line-up for this bad boy:

mommydays2

We walked through the zoo at High Park and I bought cookies from some kids running a lemonade stand up the street (are those things still legal?). I think they thought my impromptu math test was pretty lame.

5pm. Almost dinner time. We did our exercises in the basement (kid in the Exersaucer, momma picked up some weights). Then dinner: Ryan ate organic apples, sweet potatoes, carrots and blueberries, this time from an orange pouch. I don’t remember what I ate.

I won’t lie, I started the bath 15 minutes early because solo parenting during dinner, bath and bedtime make for a looooooooooong day. Mercifully, the kid fell asleep instantly. I think he was pretty sick of me.

Plus, the kitchen, living room, and everywhere else still had to be put back together.

It’s now 8:00pm and there’s a rather large glass of wine in front of me. I’m eating the cookies I bought from the lemonade stand kids and I’m in my pajamas. I kind of miss the kid already.

In the words of my good friend, Mags:

“next time, just ask me what i’ve been watching on netflix. then we’ll actually have something to talk about.”

Happy Friday!
mxo

strangers and sandwiches (kind of)…

One of the many amazing things about having a baby is that strangers stop to chat. At least once a day someone stops us to comment on how cute Ryan is (probably the cutest ever, really). Then they tell us a bit of their life story, which is always such a privilege, and inevitably they end with something along the lines of, “enjoy it. It goes too quickly.”

My kid turned six months this week so I know it’s true: time evaporates. Life has this way of marching along and, if we’re not careful, we’ll miss it. Better enjoy it while we can.

mxo

sandwich

 

Source: notonthehighstreet.com via tattoo brain fodder on pinterest

mornings…

7:02am. Ryan is lying next to me, slowly rejoining the world. I took him to bed with me for some morning cuddles; he fell back asleep instead. Now I have the privilege of watching him wake up and truly greet the day. It may be my very favourite thing to do.

He opens his eyes and waits – for what, I’m not sure, but he waits. It’s raining outside. The light from the window is gentler this morning as it first brushes his eyes. He stares at the leaves on our tree in silent reverence. It’s true, they really are a wonder.

A few minutes pass. Heaven. He finally turns to me, pauses to recalibrate, and smiles. My baby boy is here. We take his sleep sac off, then the jammies and the sopping diaper. I barely have time to do up the fresh diaper before my gentle waker is on his belly practicing his crawling. He’s instantly everywhere. The energy is bursting out of him full throttle.

It’s now 7:14 and I wonder how on earth I’m going to keep my spirited boy entertained (and quiet!!) so that daddy can have a sleep-in downstairs. Hmm.

And then I see it: the Jolly Jumper. That should last us a good 15 minutes.

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mxo

mulling and rolling…

Ryan’s “napping” in the room next to me. This roughly translates to flipping onto his tummy, shimmying around, getting upset, crying loudly, and me flipping him over. Repeat.

I’m having a bad hair day (damn you, humidity!). Yup, it’s one of those days… but we’ll power through.

Steven Pressfield was on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last week and I’ve been mulling over something they talked about:

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution,

the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

(from his book, The War of Art)

Essentially: the more you need it, the harder it’ll be to do. Well, Mr. Pressfield, I’ll give you that one for sure.

When it comes to parenting life, what I resist the most is letting go and rolling with the punches. I want to embrace the ebb and flow of Ryan’s naps, the weather, and life in general. I know it’s (probably) a more enjoyable way to live. But somehow I always end up meticulously counting the minutes between his naps and planning the next day, week, year of my life.

But like Pressfield, kids are pretty awesome teachers of lessons that are hard to learn. There’s very little chance my five-month-old will do things my way, on my schedule. He’s got his own rhythm and so does life.

So as Ryan sleeps (finally), I’ll continue mulling until one day, hopefully soon, rolling will become easier.

mxo