Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re trying to sell your house and move with a toddler. Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re dealing with a toddler – period. I naively started the Tiny Devotion’s #insanelyintentional challenge a few days ago and, not surprisingly, I’m already behind. 🙂
Let’s pretend day 6 was yesterday and today is day 7. Let’s.
Day 7’s assignment: to forgive someone.
I chose me – we’re often the hardest on ourselves and this is absolutely true in my case. Here goes.
I forgive you for being ordinary.
I forgive you for not being particularly beautiful, exceptionally smart, or one iota funny.
I forgive you for being serious, often too serious.
I forgive you for not accomplishing as much as you thought you would – you found a magical life instead.
I forgive you for not being a lawyer, a doctor, or a CEO – you’re a kick-butt mom, wife, and administrator instead.
I forgive you for not being the perfect earth momma you thought you’d be – sometimes the kid just wants a bagel with cream cheese for dinner and there’s no room for negotiations.
I forgive you for still having a soft tummy, 15 months later, and for being upset about it too often – croissants and wine are worth it.
I forgive you for not being able to bend into the perfect yoga pose for the perfect instagram pic (although lord knows you try) – sometimes it’s safer not to break things.
And so on.
I forgive you and I embrace you for all of the above… and I’ll forgive you in advance for when you lose this feeling and feel whiny and sh*tty again.
I embrace your ordinariness. It’s enough.
Today felt like…
… because the truth is, each day that you wake up, you have everything you need.
Love and light and all that jazz,
Today I woke up grateful. And happy, like deep down in my soul happy.
Today is my 30th birthday and it has been an absolutely perfect day.
Today I realized that all of my dreams have come true. Every single one.
It scares me to say that, as if saying it will bring something bad on, but there’s so much crap in the world that sometimes we all have to shout out loud about the good stuff.
And there’s a lot of good stuff everywhere.
So, dear world, thank you for making this gal feel so darn loved.
yoga. j’adore. not me, not yet, but one day. mxo
I found myself in a cafe yesterday, drinking a delicious Americano and eating a scrumptious brownie, waiting for one of my best good friends, contemplating life in my journal.
I do this often.
I wrote these words, “I love my life. I truly and utterly love my life. It’s strange, this contentment, and the silence that is left after the panic to fix things disappears.”
And then a nervousness crept in – what if I lose all of this?
This reaction is a product of a lot that has happened in my life and I think, on some level, it’s natural. We all fear change. And, like it or not, we could lose it all at any moment – we could lose our jobs, lose our partners, get sick. The bottom can drop out and we can’t control how or when.
So what’s left? What do we do?
Simple: cherish every single moment. Accept its fleetingness and give it an extra squeeze of love.
Love every morsel of your life.
“I think it’s great for two people to be together. That is a good number.
I think, that to keep it alive though, you can’t spend every day together. It wears out the magic. Love means nothing to me if it’s not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own.
I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it’s exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can’t love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can’t you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smolder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick her up, you’re nearly sick with anticipation?
And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back in its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When she says your name, you think it was she who named you. When she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in her neck, her breathing and the amazing smell of her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want her so bad and miss her so much. Now that is worth the miles and the time.
That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It’s part of the world’s sadness that’s more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night.”
I’m a big fan of love.
Like a really big fan.
Recently, my hubby asked how I can use the word “love” so loosely. “I don’t!” I immediately rebutted, “I mean it when I say it”. But he had a point – my love for him is vastly different from the love I feel for my amigas, or for the guy who made me the most amazing Americano today, or Janey B who kicked my butt all the way to New Polynesia during my morning workout. And it’s definitely different from the love I feel for my cat.
Then, during today’s daily joy of devouring the newest Chaletaine with my favourite highlighter in hand, I stumbled upon the perfect explanation – we simply don’t have enough words for love. One?! Really?!! Whose idea was that?!
On this one, I have to side with the ancient Greeks – they had at least three words!
- philia for friendship and affectionate love
- eros for erotic love
- agape for true, deep love of a spouse or a child
Slightly different, but all the same. They’re love. Love, love, love!
I leave you with a quote from the article by Sam Bee in the same issue,
“Wouldn’t it be great if we never had to feel this way again: “I wish I had just told this person how I felt about them” or “I wish my last words to that person had been loving and kind”?… So when is the right time to tell someone you love and cherish them, or even just like them, and wish you could be friends, or you think they are fabulous? It’s right now. Do it!”
So much love!
P.S. After the chocolate settles in my belly, I will try their ab exercises. 🙂