It’s just after 6am on Saturday, “stay-home-day”. My boys are still asleep – “a tiny one, a big one, and a man-boy” (three-year-olds are the best!). I am the “gwirl”, loving these quiet mornings to myself.
This week in a nutshell: Hubby got sick. I felt weird. Hubby went on a business trip (or, as I’d like to call it, a vacation). Thank god for grandparents. Hubby came home, still super sick. I got sick. Three-year-old threw tantrums. Little one did what babies do. Now it’s the long weekend… 😳 🙃
I almost threw the towel in on this whole project about 80 times. BUT I didn’t (yay me!). Instead, I decided to focus on what I could: the “listen” and “be” pillars, specifically rest and acceptance. This too shall pass… blah, blah, blah.
Yesterday I unscheduled and spent the day catching up on Hockey Wives and Super Soul Sundays with the babe. It was kind of lovely, snotty nose and all.
Phew. What a ride! This is meant to be a love letter, so I’ll be nice.
Thank you for teaching me that I am strong, that I can get knocked down and rise wiser and kinder. I bow to the lessons. Thank you for giving me the strength to keep going and for showing me that I am not alone.
And thank you for reminding me of how truly blessed I am! This life – wow.
Thank you for helping me to see that I am a good mom and that I have a great kid. He is my guru, my sage, and the littlest love of my life. Thank you for giving me the strength to wake up at all hours of the night, for being patient during his tantrums (sometimes), and for the magic he’s showing me in the world. Thank you for answering all of my prayers with that kid!
Thank you for the original love of my life – the kid’s dad and my partner in crime. I’m still not sure how I got to be so darn lucky… thank you!
Thank you for this home! When I was a little girl, I dreamt of a home like this – beautiful and serene, somewhere to live forever and always, a fireplace with stockings, and lots of rooms to fill with memories. Now I live here and I am in awe.
Thank you for the adventures and travels, for friends near and far, for chocolate and wine and lattes, for morning snuggles in bed and five seasons of Scandal.
Thank you for showing me that there is still so much to come. Thank you.
I like sharing tidbits of my life here and there, and seeing what others up to.
Once in awhile, a picture will tweak something in me that I’m not proud of. Sometimes the perfectly sculpted bodies in perfectly arranged yoga poses, or the perfectly nutritious food perfect families are enjoying, inspire a full-on meltdown (last Sunday).
Here’s the crux of the matter:
Our lives are mostly ordinary but we tend to only document the extraordinary, best-possible, once-in-a-blue-moon tidbits. Read this article: instagram’s envy effect
I think the world needs to see more of these magical moments. The problem is, they make all of the other moments seem less magical and in not documenting them, we can forget what’s normal, perfectly a-ok and just #ordinarylife.
My life is both this:
And more often this:
I’m going to try to be a little bit more #ordinarylife in my ‘gramming. @mayacollum
Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re trying to sell your house and move with a toddler. Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re dealing with a toddler – period. I naively started the Tiny Devotion’s #insanelyintentional challenge a few days ago and, not surprisingly, I’m already behind. 🙂
Let’s pretend day 6 was yesterday and today is day 7. Let’s.
Day 7’s assignment: to forgive someone.
I chose me – we’re often the hardest on ourselves and this is absolutely true in my case. Here goes.
Dear me, I forgive you for being ordinary. I forgive you for not being particularly beautiful, exceptionally smart, or one iota funny. I forgive you for being serious, often too serious. I forgive you for not accomplishing as much as you thought you would – you found a magical life instead. I forgive you for not being a lawyer, a doctor, or a CEO – you’re a kick-butt mom, wife, and administrator instead. I forgive you for not being the perfect earth momma you thought you’d be – sometimes the kid just wants a bagel with cream cheese for dinner and there’s no room for negotiations. I forgive you for still having a soft tummy, 15 months later, and for being upset about it too often – croissants and wine are worth it. I forgive you for not being able to bend into the perfect yoga pose for the perfect instagram pic (although lord knows you try) – sometimes it’s safer not to break things. And so on. I forgive you and I embrace you for all of the above… and I’ll forgive you in advance for when you lose this feeling and feel whiny and sh*tty again. I embrace your ordinariness. It’s enough.
“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery
It’s been awhile and in that while, I’ve often made my way to my blog and wondered if and how to resume – how to begin again. Life has been busy and time scarce. But this is always the case and unless we consciously choose to add the things we cherish to our schedules, they often get lost even if they are important (but perhaps not urgent).
For me, writing has become urgent. 2015 has delivered a series of blows to the gut that I just wasn’t expecting. Now it’s time to heal and since I was kid, that’s involved putting pen to paper (for the really, truly personal bits) and sharing stories. So today marks my beginning… again.
And today, I’m invoking gratitude because I know that even on the darker days, I still have so very much to be thankful for (my spirited boy, the love of my life, family and friends, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, breath in my lungs, etc…)
I hope that today, on this last Friday in March, you too can find something to be grateful for.
Today I woke up grateful. And happy, like deep down in my soul happy.
Today is my 30th birthday and it has been an absolutely perfect day.
Today I realized that all of my dreams have come true. Every single one.
It scares me to say that, as if saying it will bring something bad on, but there’s so much crap in the world that sometimes we all have to shout out loud about the good stuff.
And there’s a lot of good stuff everywhere.
So, dear world, thank you for making this gal feel so darn loved.
One of the many amazing things about having a baby is that strangers stop to chat. At least once a day someone stops us to comment on how cute Ryan is (probably the cutest ever, really). Then they tell us a bit of their life story, which is always such a privilege, and inevitably they end with something along the lines of, “enjoy it. It goes too quickly.”
My kid turned six months this week so I know it’s true: time evaporates. Life has this way of marching along and, if we’re not careful, we’ll miss it. Better enjoy it while we can.
6:40am. I’m actually starting to enjoy these early mornings.
The arctic freeze hit Toronto again and yesterday was just far too cold to take my munchkin out. So we put on our comfy pants and started the countdown to when daddy got home.
A few hours in, I had a thought – just how much of my life has been a countdown to something…
… to finishing high school
… to exams being over
… to graduating university
… to my wedding day
… to babies
… to my due date
… to when this horrid winter finally lifts
… and to the next phase of Ryan’s life
And in counting down, how many precious moments did I wish away?
If we’re always looking ahead, when do we ever arrive?
Right now, I don’t want to be anywhere else but here and now, with a beautiful baby boy who will never again be five weeks, three days and one hour old.