Lessons

2015, a love letter

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

Dear 2015,

Phew. What a ride! This is meant to be a love letter, so I’ll be nice.

Thank you for teaching me that I am strong, that I can get knocked down and rise wiser and kinder. I bow to the lessons. Thank you for giving me the strength to keep going and for showing me that I am not alone.

And thank you for reminding me of how truly blessed I am! This life – wow.

Thank you for helping me to see that I am a good mom and that I have a great kid. He is my guru, my sage, and the littlest love of my life. Thank you for giving me the strength to wake up at all hours of the night, for being patient during his tantrums (sometimes), and for the magic he’s showing me in the world. Thank you for answering all of my prayers with that kid!

Thank you for the original love of my life – the kid’s dad and my partner in crime. I’m still not sure how I got to be so darn lucky… thank you!

Thank you for this home! When I was a little girl, I dreamt of a home like this – beautiful and serene, somewhere to live forever and always, a fireplace with stockings, and lots of rooms to fill with memories. Now I live here and I am in awe.

Thank you for the adventures and travels, for friends near and far, for chocolate and wine and lattes, for morning snuggles in bed and five seasons of Scandal.

Thank you for showing me that there is still so much to come. Thank you.

2016, hi.

With love,
mxo

soakuplove

:: inspired by a Note of Gratitude by my dearest, Nikki Belcher and Love Letter by the ever-awesome, Elena Brower.

 

dear me…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re trying to sell your house and move with a toddler. Life rarely goes according to plan when you’re dealing with a toddler – period. I naively started the Tiny Devotion’s #insanelyintentional challenge a few days ago and, not surprisingly, I’m already behind. 🙂

Let’s pretend day 6 was yesterday and today is day 7. Let’s.

Day 7’s assignment: to forgive someone.

insanelyintentional-day7
I chose me – we’re often the hardest on ourselves and this is absolutely true in my case. Here goes.

Dear me,
I forgive you for being ordinary.
I forgive you for not being particularly beautiful, exceptionally smart, or one iota funny.
I forgive you for being serious, often too serious. 
I forgive you for not accomplishing as much as you thought you would – you found a magical life instead.
I forgive you for not being a lawyer, a doctor, or a CEO – you’re a kick-butt mom, wife, and administrator instead.
I forgive you for not being the perfect earth momma you thought you’d be – sometimes the kid just wants a bagel with cream cheese for dinner and there’s no room for negotiations.
I forgive you for still having a soft tummy, 15 months later, and for being upset about it too often – croissants and wine are worth it.
I forgive you for not being able to bend into the perfect yoga pose for the perfect instagram pic (although lord knows you try) – sometimes it’s safer not to break things.
And so on.
I forgive you and I embrace you for all of the above… and I’ll forgive you in advance for when you lose this feeling and feel whiny and sh*tty again.
I embrace your ordinariness. It’s enough.

Love you,
mxo

 

it’s enough to begin…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

“What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

It’s been awhile and in that while, I’ve often made my way to my blog and wondered if and how to resume – how to begin again. Life has been busy and time scarce. But this is always the case and unless we consciously choose to add the things we cherish to our schedules, they often get lost even if they are important (but perhaps not urgent).

For me, writing has become urgent. 2015 has delivered a series of blows to the gut that I just wasn’t expecting. Now it’s time to heal and since I was kid, that’s involved putting pen to paper (for the really, truly personal bits) and sharing stories. So today marks my beginning… again.

And today, I’m invoking gratitude because I know that even on the darker days, I still have so very much to be thankful for (my spirited boy, the love of my life, family and friends, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, breath in my lungs, etc…)

I hope that today, on this last Friday in March, you too can find something to be grateful for.

much love and light… mxo

Lovingly borrowed from the ever-inspiring, The Healthy Ginger (at www.thehealthyginger.com)
Lovingly borrowed from the ever-inspiring, The Healthy Ginger (at http://www.thehealthyginger.com)

 

strangers and sandwiches (kind of)…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

One of the many amazing things about having a baby is that strangers stop to chat. At least once a day someone stops us to comment on how cute Ryan is (probably the cutest ever, really). Then they tell us a bit of their life story, which is always such a privilege, and inevitably they end with something along the lines of, “enjoy it. It goes too quickly.”

My kid turned six months this week so I know it’s true: time evaporates. Life has this way of marching along and, if we’re not careful, we’ll miss it. Better enjoy it while we can.

mxo

sandwich

 

Source: notonthehighstreet.com via tattoo brain fodder on pinterest

more moments…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

I’ve spent a lot of time wishing away moments and trying to “fix” things. Those are times I’ll never get back.

But these days I’m working on something new: being present, being here and now, and soaking up the moments so that I can remember many fondly one day.

And so that this will never again be my truth:

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner!” Colette

My favourite moment this week:

quietmoments

mxo

 

turning 30…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

Ryan is K.O.-ed in our bed next to me. It’s the only way he’ll nap in the afternoon and truthfully, I love these moments.

In a few weeks, I’m turning 30 – not exactly old, but a milestone nevertheless. Having just become a mom, and with this birthday looming, I think it’s safe to say I’m a grown up… although I don’t really feel like it yet (does anyone? ever?).

There are a few things I’d like to leave behind in this decade, a few things I’d like to take with me, and a few more that I’d like to breathe new life into. The first “lesson” is this:

“… for all of us, getting old is about letting go. Of regrets, of unachieved ambitions, of self-centeredness […] The letting go includes letting go of always wanting to be happy. The more I put happiness aside, the more easily I can settle with what is. The more I let go of being happy, the happier I am.”

A quote from Sue Moon’s article June’s edition of mindful.

J’adore.

mxo

mulling and rolling…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

Ryan’s “napping” in the room next to me. This roughly translates to flipping onto his tummy, shimmying around, getting upset, crying loudly, and me flipping him over. Repeat.

I’m having a bad hair day (damn you, humidity!). Yup, it’s one of those days… but we’ll power through.

Steven Pressfield was on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last week and I’ve been mulling over something they talked about:

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution,

the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

(from his book, The War of Art)

Essentially: the more you need it, the harder it’ll be to do. Well, Mr. Pressfield, I’ll give you that one for sure.

When it comes to parenting life, what I resist the most is letting go and rolling with the punches. I want to embrace the ebb and flow of Ryan’s naps, the weather, and life in general. I know it’s (probably) a more enjoyable way to live. But somehow I always end up meticulously counting the minutes between his naps and planning the next day, week, year of my life.

But like Pressfield, kids are pretty awesome teachers of lessons that are hard to learn. There’s very little chance my five-month-old will do things my way, on my schedule. He’s got his own rhythm and so does life.

So as Ryan sleeps (finally), I’ll continue mulling until one day, hopefully soon, rolling will become easier.

mxo

 

no expectations…

~ Maya C ~ Leave a comment

There’s a lesson I keep having to learn with Ryan. It’s this:

No expectations, no disappointments.

I was told that babies peak in their fussiness at 6-8 weeks. For Ryan, it lasted far longer than that. Depending on the day, it’s still going on.

Then there was the promise that after three months, everything would magically be better. For us, it got worse. My pro sleeper decided he wanted to get up every couple of hours to eat. Growth spurt? Maybe. Who knows?!

I struggled through all of this more so than I had to simply because I was expecting it to better. But here’s the thing: babies don’t operate on schedules. They aren’t predictable. Frankly, nothing in life is.

So my baby boy, my greatest spiritual teacher, has yet another lesson for me: let go of the expectations. Live in the moment as it is, not wishing for it to be something else, because you might just miss its magic.

mxo

P.S. The 108-day challenge is going well! I skipped yesterday due to a shoulder injury and a profound lack of sleep, but I made up for it to by doubling everything today. Wee! 🙂

accepting help…

~ Maya C ~ 1 Comment

When I was 18, I left home. With fiery abruptness, I started my independent life. Work, school, survival… somehow I managed on my own.

In hindsight, that time in my life makes perfect sense. I was always fiercely independent. I’ve had some sort of income since I was ten. I walked myself to school in Greece when I was four. At six or seven, I decided to leave our seventh storey apartment, walk a few major blocks across big intersections to Kmart to buy my mom a gift – a fancy mug. Needless to say, my resourcefulness was often the cause of much worry and drama.

Age 3. I made myself lunch. Note the back-up spoon in my right hand.
Age 3. I made myself lunch. Note the back-up spoon in my right hand.

This unyielding independence has made it extremely difficult for me to ever accept help and I’d certainly never ask for it. It always seemed like a sign of weakness… until now.

We have survived the last few weeks with Ryan thanks to the grandmas who held him until the wee hours of the morning, the aunties who dropped everything when Matt was sick to provide an extra set of hands, the grandpas who bought groceries and fixed pipes, the friends who dropped meals on our porch like sneaky little mice… We needed help and we got it.

It’s been hard for me to accept this help without feeling like a failure – ‘I should be able to do this on my own’. But two light bulbs went off this week:

One – My doctor told me to stop squandering the help I’m being offered and try being grateful instead. Ouch.

Two – I stumbled upon these wise words:

“I’ve always thought that asking for help was a sign of weakness, but when my mother died, I learned that it takes greater strength to lean on others than to stand alone. In order to heal, I asked, ‘What help do I need in this moment?'”

mxo