resistance…

There’s a lot of resistance in me… a lot.

Change makes me anxious and any positive lifestyle changes seem to really drive me b*tsh*t crazy.

Case in point: I’ve been reading a lot about the evils of sugar recently. The stuff really is poison. I don’t eat much of it but as soon as I decided to cut back, I started to get the twitch… you know, the twitch that only six chocolate chip cookies could calm. Six!

sugar
how?? source: globe and mail

When my friend told me she’s been minimizing her dairy and wheat intake and feeling great, I made some crack about maximizing mine and then ate an entire box of mac and cheese at home (I had to go out of my way to buy the stuff at the health food store).

And don’t even get me started on exercise…

WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!!

In War of Art, Steven Pressfield states that the more resistance we feel towards something, the more important it is to our soul’s evolution. The more we run, the more we need to stay. Here’s my question: HOW?!

Maybe I should keep reading the book…

Sigh.

mxo

mulling and rolling…

Ryan’s “napping” in the room next to me. This roughly translates to flipping onto his tummy, shimmying around, getting upset, crying loudly, and me flipping him over. Repeat.

I’m having a bad hair day (damn you, humidity!). Yup, it’s one of those days… but we’ll power through.

Steven Pressfield was on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last week and I’ve been mulling over something they talked about:

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution,

the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

(from his book, The War of Art)

Essentially: the more you need it, the harder it’ll be to do. Well, Mr. Pressfield, I’ll give you that one for sure.

When it comes to parenting life, what I resist the most is letting go and rolling with the punches. I want to embrace the ebb and flow of Ryan’s naps, the weather, and life in general. I know it’s (probably) a more enjoyable way to live. But somehow I always end up meticulously counting the minutes between his naps and planning the next day, week, year of my life.

But like Pressfield, kids are pretty awesome teachers of lessons that are hard to learn. There’s very little chance my five-month-old will do things my way, on my schedule. He’s got his own rhythm and so does life.

So as Ryan sleeps (finally), I’ll continue mulling until one day, hopefully soon, rolling will become easier.

mxo

 

stepping away and buttery treats…

It’s 10:54 on back-to-work Monday… back to work for everyone at my office except me. I’m still in my PJs eating a delicious apple. Mat leave is strange.

It was hard for me to walk away from the job I’ve moulded over the last ten years. And while I’m excited about the year ahead, it’s still weird to think that someone else is in my office right now, sitting in my chair, typing away at my computer… it’s amazing how territorial I can be especially considering this job was just supposed to pay the bills while I was in school. I graduated five years ago.

Serendipitously, last night I finished Finding Me in France by Bobbi French. My favourite lessons always come from books and last night was no exception. French writes,

“If I had to narrow it all down into one piece of wisdom it would be this: sometimes you have to step away from the many things you have to do to find the one thing you want to do.”

Noted.

mxo

P.S. I made goureges! Butter + cheese + flour… what’s not to love?! Here’s the recipe from my good friends DGL and Mi:

Gougeres
Gougeres… yum!

chapters…

The Chapters in Bloor West is one of my very favourite places in the city. I often spend hours there leafing through the pages of new books and magazines on quiet Sunday afternoons.

chapters3
Source: http://blog.indigo.ca/

The locale also holds a special place in my heart because it’s where I had my first real date. Back in 1990-something when it was still the Runny theatre, a boy took me there to see Titanic. I knew he was special when he sat through three hours of overly dramatic Leo without complaint.

Source: http://blog.indigo.ca/
Source: http://blog.indigo.ca/

Yes, the theatre-turned-bookstore holds a special place in my heart and so you can imagine how heartbroken I was when I learned that it’s scheduled to close after the holidays. Truth is, I still am. 😦

I was trying to think of something meaningful to end with, to wrap this post up with a nice bow… but sometimes it’s equally important to just “share what happens but hold off on what it means” (Mark Nepo).

Happy  Sunday!

mxo

nothing to prove

Here is my second personal commandment:

there is nothing to prove. all that’s left to do is enjoy.

This one I’m taking from Rob Bell, who I was introduced to yesterday on Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays. Like for Bell, this is the lesson that has taken me the longest to learn and I have to keep relearning it daily.

As your classic honour roll, teachers’ pet, valedictorian overachiever – even my blood type is A+ – I’ve struggled with the need to prove myself for a long time. I always wanted to be going places.

But I’ve learned that I’d much rather slow down so that I don’t miss a moment, linger so that I enjoy my days, and live a life full of wonder.

“I didn’t ask for success. I asked for wonder.”

Off to lie on the couch, nurse this cold and read Bell’s new book, What We Talk About When We Talk About God…

new books and holiday cups. distressed FX vanilla filter.
new books and holiday cups. distressed FX vanilla filter.

Happy Monday!

mxo

assume the best

The best kind of reading is rereading. Right now I’m rereading Happier at Home, Gretchen Rubin’s follow up to The Happiness Project, the book that started my blogging adventure.

In both books, Rubin outlines her 12 commandments – her 12 principles for living her best life. It got me thinking about my own.

So far, I’ve come up with one:

assume the best

I don’t, at least not yet. I almost always assume the worst. I’ve even tried to convince myself that assuming the worst is a good strategy because if the worst happens, I’ll be prepared and if doesn’t, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. WRONG. In reality, you overreact to the worst and are only half present for the best – the other half is looking over your shoulder for the next disaster (something Brene Brown calls “foreboding joy”).

And you squander all of the moments in between.

So I’m trying the opposite on for size. I already prefer how it feels.

What are your personal commandments?

mxo

yogabellytoes
toes still present but baby belly threatening to take over

mondays…

Today is my first of many Mondays off.

It’s been a quiet day, a day to be introspective and scrub my soul.

I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly and, like any great book, it hit a nerve.

It forced me to temporarily push passed my vulnerability and my perfectionism and roll out my yoga mat for the first time in seven months.

So here I am… in sweats, au naturel, growing belly and all. Vulnerable but joyous.

growingbellyyogi

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world…” ~ Brene Brown

mxo