turning 30…

Ryan is K.O.-ed in our bed next to me. It’s the only way he’ll nap in the afternoon and truthfully, I love these moments.

In a few weeks, I’m turning 30 – not exactly old, but a milestone nevertheless. Having just become a mom, and with this birthday looming, I think it’s safe to say I’m a grown up… although I don’t really feel like it yet (does anyone? ever?).

There are a few things I’d like to leave behind in this decade, a few things I’d like to take with me, and a few more that I’d like to breathe new life into. The first “lesson” is this:

“… for all of us, getting old is about letting go. Of regrets, of unachieved ambitions, of self-centeredness […] The letting go includes letting go of always wanting to be happy. The more I put happiness aside, the more easily I can settle with what is. The more I let go of being happy, the happier I am.”

A quote from Sue Moon’s article June’s edition of mindful.

J’adore.

mxo

mulling and rolling…

Ryan’s “napping” in the room next to me. This roughly translates to flipping onto his tummy, shimmying around, getting upset, crying loudly, and me flipping him over. Repeat.

I’m having a bad hair day (damn you, humidity!). Yup, it’s one of those days… but we’ll power through.

Steven Pressfield was on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last week and I’ve been mulling over something they talked about:

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution,

the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

(from his book, The War of Art)

Essentially: the more you need it, the harder it’ll be to do. Well, Mr. Pressfield, I’ll give you that one for sure.

When it comes to parenting life, what I resist the most is letting go and rolling with the punches. I want to embrace the ebb and flow of Ryan’s naps, the weather, and life in general. I know it’s (probably) a more enjoyable way to live. But somehow I always end up meticulously counting the minutes between his naps and planning the next day, week, year of my life.

But like Pressfield, kids are pretty awesome teachers of lessons that are hard to learn. There’s very little chance my five-month-old will do things my way, on my schedule. He’s got his own rhythm and so does life.

So as Ryan sleeps (finally), I’ll continue mulling until one day, hopefully soon, rolling will become easier.

mxo

 

letting go

Letting go is difficult. Transitions are difficult. Slowing down can be excruciating.

I’ve spent the majority of the last two weeks at home resting, reading, watching movies, reading, resting, watching movies…

As I learn to settle into this new (temporary and transitional) phase of my life and let go of my former super-charged schedule, I keep mulling over these words: 

What if one day you realized the best moments in life come in the mundane, everyday moments? But you were only fully present on special occasions… And someday, I’ll be grateful I didn’t miss my life.”

~ Rachel Mary Stafford

mundane-moments
Mundane moments with Charlie…

mondays…

Today is my first of many Mondays off.

It’s been a quiet day, a day to be introspective and scrub my soul.

I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly and, like any great book, it hit a nerve.

It forced me to temporarily push passed my vulnerability and my perfectionism and roll out my yoga mat for the first time in seven months.

So here I am… in sweats, au naturel, growing belly and all. Vulnerable but joyous.

growingbellyyogi

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world…” ~ Brene Brown

mxo

noted.

It’s early Saturday morning. The family is still asleep and the house still quiet.

It seems like a perfect time to start writing again.

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything here. Life has changed dramatically in the last five months and it has cemented my introversion just that much more. It has taken me a long time to come back to some of the things I love, like writing on this blog.

But recently a quote struck me and I can’t seem to shake it.

Creativity is a scavenger hunt,” writes Liz Gilbert, “It’s your obligation to pay attention to clues, to the things that give you that little tweak.

Noted.

Happy Saturday. I hope you have a lovely one.

mxo

From a recent trip to Algonquin…

the rainy days…

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Not at all.

It’s been a struggle to do anything this past week – walk, drink coffee, keep my eyes open.

I won’t lie – I’ve been pretty down about it. “I should get my butt to yoga… I should be doing more than just walking 10,000 steps… I should go out and seize the day” etc, etc. You want to know the quickest way to NOT do something? Smother it with the word “should”.

Should = guilt = I didn’t make it to yoga so I might as well eat the entire pot of mac and cheese. Epic fail.

(Found this on Pinterest. If I had a vision board, this would be on it)

Why admit all of this? My only intention is to document my humanity. In this social media dominated culture, we are great at sharing the good, the pretty, and the perfect (read: stop instagramming your perfect life). That can make us forget that dips are part of what makes life rich. But they are inevitable. And they are necessary.

So be kind to yourself, especially on the rainy days.

Happy Mama’s Day.

mxo