my body story…

By far the most prevalent story in my life is the one I’ve developed about my body. 

Since I was young enough to perceive how different I look, I’ve alternated between forcefully trying to change my shape and willfully trying to ignore it. This story has defined much of my life. 

It has also tainted many of my experiences – like my wedding. The only trepidations I felt that day were all about my body. After years of trying to be a wallflower, I suddenly felt exposed, on display. Every bride is supposed to be radiant and beautiful on her big day. I just felt like an imposter. I’ll never get that day back. 

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I have good days and bad days, but it’s always there, this story, even on the yoga mat. 

After reading Waking (INCREDIBLE book), I tried something different today. I took my mat to the very back corner of the studio and grabbed two blocks, a strap and a bolster. I decided to replace my usual forceful “you can do better” approach with a slow maneuvering. I wanted to feel each and every bone, pay attention to each and every muscle, and think about my body differently. It was humbling.

At the end, I was left feeling grateful for this envelope that surrounds me. I was grateful for how my spine moves and my legs support me, how breath travels in and out, and how my body sustains me. These are privileges denied to many.

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It’s small, seemingly insignificant moments like these that erase the old ink and help to write new stories.

Be kind to yourself. 

mxo

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