What an absolutely odd day it is outside! The sun is shining, it’s oddly warm, and there is this amazingly intense wind blowing everything and everyone around. I love it!
So my last post was… well, a little inauthentic. Not inauthentic in the sense that I didn’t mean it – I absolutely want to dedicate my life to meaningfully serving others – but the truth is, I’m not yet there. I’m still working on my messy story.
Or rather, I’m still working on letting go of my messy story.
This is a picture of me when I was 6 years old. It’s right around the time I started to realize that I was different.
Most obviously, I didn’t speak the language or know any of the customs of this strange, stupidly cold new country my parents insisted on. I didn’t fit into my richy rich school (side note: what an interesting social experiment it is to bus poor, immigrant kids in from the wrong side of the tracks, over the tracks into the richy rich school). I also didn’t fit in with the immigrant Polish community – my parents were spiritual hippies who wanted nothing to do with the rigid, conservative Poland they left behind. There I was, not entirely belonging anywhere.
What made it worse is that I quickly realized I didn’t look like other kids. My spine is a work of art – it’s curved in a few odd directions and my body has compensated. I don’t look like everyone else. (Another side note: I am freaking out writing this so publicly, but there’s a purpose). I have been teased and taunted, made to feel ugly and unworthy, and I’ve carried that for a very long time.
The magic of my recent immersion in yoga is that everything I thought I had long since buried, has reared it’s ugly head once again. All of those insecurities, all of that weight, has started to come flushing out in my practice. It’s been frustrating and hard, but absolutely necessary. I feel like I am finally moving on.
Today was another one of those days when things started to flush out, and luckily for me, I was surrounded by some of the most wise and amazing souls I’ve ever met. The concept of stories came up. We all have them; we have all written ourselves stories about who we are, what we can do, what we can’t and what we’re not capable of it. Unfortunately for us, most of these stories are fairly limited and weigh us down. Most of us aren’t even aware that we’re living these stories.
So for today, think about just that: what is your story and who would you be without it? If letting go of the entire narrative is frightening, how would you feel if you just removed one brick in the wall, just for now, just in this very moment?
Let that sit. Let it stew.
Happy Friday. Happy Family Day!